Most of the time when children (and adults) are “acting up” “misbehaving” being “overly” emotional** or “losing their shite”… it is because they are missing something they need.
Sometimes it’s a simple physical need like food, water, hugs, sunshine, earth, movement, sensation.
Sometimes it is a deeper emotional void. A loss of belonging, self-worth, or a sense of value and contribution… not knowing that they matter and that their feelings matter and are accepted and understood.
Feelings are always valid. There’s no such thing as being “overly” emotional. All emotions are 100% accurate.
That doesn’t mean that responses that cause harm are okay. We get to teach our children how to channel their energy safely and communicate to get their needs met instead of (often) yelled at, ignored, shamed or shunned.
Note: I am in no way implying that children are responsible for the way they are treated. The adults are responsible.
And, we can teach kids to work toward their goals in ways that will most likely be more successful and that don’t cause harm to those around them.
At the same time, we can help parents become aware of and practice skills to de-escalate our trigger responses when we haven’t met a child’s need and they begin to request / demand attention (being tended to) with stronger, louder approaches.
The practices we teach our children and those that we need to calm ourselves (or let ourselves be wild when that is the need) are often the same, so we get to do this work together!
Grounding in nature, hot baths and cold rivers, delicious scents, healthful meals and snacks, dancing, drumming, creating, destroying (with permission), connecting, secluding… what are your go-to re-centering activities? What can you do today to bring more pleasure, play, and peace into your life?
